3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
