We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
