And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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