the condom got lost in my hair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
