Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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