I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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