In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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