Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
