I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
