Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
