Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
