ADVERTISEMENT

• (708): View more from Illinois

  This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

  Fav 2 3019 1026

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing

  Fav 5 1773 900

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Toronto

  We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.

  Fav 2 1491 772

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.

  Fav 1 1158 767

  share tweet
  

• (719): View more from Colorado

  There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.

  Fav 5 834 1420

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.

  Fav 5 1462 678

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet

  Fav 2 1013 538

  share tweet
  

• (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.

  Fav 0 879 590

  share tweet
  

• (213): View more from California

  idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.

  Fav 3 893 572

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.

  Fav 1 472 569

  share tweet
  

• (432): View more from Texas

  GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK

  Fav 1 661 542

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

  Fav 2 914 609

  share tweet
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

  Fav 7 1157 610

  share tweet
  

• (316): View more from Kansas

  I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss

  Fav 3 521 865

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno

  Fav 2 1132 430

  share tweet
  

Randomize