she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
