I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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