i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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