apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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