everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
