Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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