I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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