If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
