Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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