You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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