I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
