good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
