Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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(410): View more from Maryland

My mouth holds just enough water for my bong

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(317): View more from Indiana

i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.

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(714): View more from California

After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.

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(519): View more from Ontario

All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

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(214): View more from Texas

Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink

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