i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
