i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
