I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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