im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
