I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
