before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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