Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
