the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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