im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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