it hurts more in the daytime
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
