textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
