Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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