I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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