I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
