Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
