i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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