Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
