i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
