i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
