I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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