Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
