MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my liver is dry heaving
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
