I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
