he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
