Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
