dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
