I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this boner is exhausting
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
