If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
