Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
