Plan B is the new Plan A
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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