so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
